From the category archives:

Life In Progress

Introspective themes tend to show up in my life when I need them. It’s kind of weird, really.
2011 was “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?”
2012 was “I don’t want to be “that” person.” (this is defined in my head)
2013 seems to want me to learn how to “live in the moment” and learn how to say “thank you” to my peers.
Big lessons for me.

Living in the moment

I am a contingency plan person. I am a “play out every freaking scenario to make sure you have thought of everything” kind of gal. It feeds into the “control freak” side of who I am.
Control the environment; control the people = less pain.

Maybe its because I am the oldest child. (I am partially defined by where I fall in line)
Maybe its the ridiculous need to control everything to protect myself as much as possible (I am a product of my upbringing)
Maybe its because I want to fix problems (I am…this is complicated)
Maybe I need a lot more therapy, lol. (I am the sum of my experiences)

The downside: working through all the “What if’s” is extremely limiting and frankly, creatively and spiritually stifling.

Learning to say “thank you”

I am terrible at saying “thank you” when someone compliments me; especially for my vocal abilities.
For some reason I feel the need to make excuses or apologize for what I see as vocal shortcomings or maybe even for the fact that I can sing.
I honestly don’t know why I do this. It’s annoying. I know it’s annoying.
I hear myself doing it and there is part of me that is saying “OMG, shut up, shut up! Just say thanks.”

Maybe I do it because I always think I can do better, especially in the eyes of those who I respect. (I am my worst critic)
Again, maybe I need a lot more therapy, lol.

So… this is really just a very long winded “thank you” to those of you who call me out on these short comings.
You continue to make me think about why I do what I do and don’t do, and more than anything, you inspire me at the right time.
Please continue to do so and I promise to keep working at it.

Here’s to an inspiring and musically fulfilling 2013.

I am so grateful and humbled.
Oh and THANK YOU!!!!!
Love,
S.

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I dream of the sea and my mother

by Girlinprogress on December 15, 2012

The sea swirls and casts thousands of fish at me, but I can’t find my mother.

Holding my daughter, I run down the stairs and outside to the foreign scene.
“Where is she?” My eyes search the seaside road.
I want to get some of the fish that are now desperately trying to find their way back to their blue home.
The birds are feasting. People are are running to grab some of the bounty.
But all I want to do is find my mother.

My eyes desperately continue to search.

This little red foreign car suddenly is pulling in and stops in front of me.
My mother get out of the car.
She is young, vibrant a beautiful. I would say she is in her young 20′s.

She is carrying an armful of random bags and groceries.
“Look what I found!” she says as she opens a container of baby arugula and gnocchi that is covered in red sauce.
They are almost completely gone. She is so excited. She is full of youthful life.

I stand staring at her in dismay.
“Mom do you know what is coming? We have to get everything that is on the bottom floor to the top floors!”

The fish have all been taken.

I wake up.

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I Think They Call Us Moderates

by Girlinprogress on October 4, 2012

People are hypocrites.
People talk out of both sides of their mouth.
People like to be victims and blame someone, anyone else for their bad decisions; Government, jobs, parents, siblings, co-workers, etc.
Over it.
Tired of it.
Disgusted by it.

How about doing the right thing even though you can “milk” the system?
How about admitting that, even though you bitch and complain about taxes and government control, you fully exploit it?

Seriously?
Why do I know so many people who do this and even brag about it?

Don’t EVER bitch to me again about paying too much tax. Don’t complain about those who take advantage of the “system” when you all do the same damn thing!

Don’t buy a new car because you took advantage of a tax break put in place by Obama and then bitch about taxes. Oh, and then make a joke about how you took advantage of it.
Don’t say how you won’t take a part time job because they” don’t pay you enough” and “it’s a waste of your time” and you will lose assistance, and then BITCH about how we are becoming socialists with a leader who has killed jobs. Yet, throughout your working lives, you have sought out every loophole there is to NOT pay taxes, yet step right up to exploit those social programs you so adamantly complain about funding.

SO FREAKING OVER YOU, YOU BUNCH OF HYPOCRITES!!!!

I gladly pay my taxes – even for you! You over-extended, car buying, greedy buggers who bitch and complain about our government debt. You know why? Because I am a part of this society – one that is becoming more and more polarized with the extremist voices.
I work my ass off and exploit every opportunity I get because there might be a bigger opportunity there. I have character. I have drive. I want to be a better, contributing member of this society we live in and accept that civic responsibility.
I want our world to be better; for me and my friends and family.
I want us to evolve.

Where is the common sense? Where is the inner dialogue? Where is the statesmanship?

Even though I am one hell of a pessimist when it comes to human nature, I must have some amount of faith in those of us who aren’t extremists’ and who are fairly rational, reasonable people who do not listen to jack asses like Rush Limbaugh, Shawn Hannity, Glen Beck and the like.
I actually have conversations with people who skew the opposite of me, and I find that we are not that far off in many ways. We are rational, common sense, forward thinking people who don’t need to be right all the time.
We analyze with a common sense approach. We formulate an opinion that’s not founded on an emotional based response. We ask questions. We refuse to be spoon fed. We are not sheep.
Sure, we disagree on a few things, but we really have more common ground than not.
And frankly, we are all too busy working and navigating through our hectic schedules. We are too damn busy to bitch and scream, which is why we are being marginalized and the lunatic fringe are the mouth pieces.

I think they call us moderates. I hope we are the future. I hope for my daughters’ sake, we are the future.

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John Denver and Guitars

June 4, 2012

When I think of John Denver, I think of super cheesy songs. “Sunshine on My Shoulder’s” and “Thank God I’m A Country Boy.” Nauseating. So last night I was putting Livi down for the night and Greg says “I left the TV paused. Kim’s brother is on TV.” “Huh?” (Inside joke.) It was a remembrance [...]

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Toxic Assets

April 24, 2012

This term is typically used to describe bad assets that are in one’s financial portfolio. The kinds I am talking about are the personal ones; the negative energy, the bad attitude, insecurity, stubbornness, self absorption, the need to be right, blaming others. Assets that dominate every single conversation you have with someone; assets that you carry like [...]

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Mommy, Watch Your Mouth!

March 8, 2012

I knew this day would come. Today was that day when my lack of restraint, patience and overall personal editing was held up to my face like a mirror. When Greg and I picked Liv up from school today, she was sitting quietly and playing Lego’s with a friend. We were greeted by Miss Kelsey, one of Livia’s [...]

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The first time my 3 1/2 year old uses the word “appreciate” in a sentence.

March 7, 2012

“Mom, I appreciate if you would eat your treat balls. I’m gonna put “them” right here so you can share wis me okay? Mom? I appreciate that you can eat ‘em wis me. She takes a bite of the white chocolate truffle. I ask, “what’s inside Livia?” “Is butter,” she says with a huge grin [...]

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The Hubris of Youth

March 6, 2012

I remember when I was 18, self-righteous, full of hypocrisy and thought I had the full story and knew everything. Yep, those were the days when you feel immortal and that nothing you say and do will ever come back to haunt you. And then you grow up and get a little “life dirt” on [...]

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The Pull

May 12, 2011

This is why I avoid it. The minor fall and the major lift….the goosebumps, the song, the music. I hear my daughter laughing in the other room and my guitar calling out to me. Such a perfect metaphor of my life as I now know it. I love my life. I do, but I do [...]

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Freeway Takes on Cancer

July 26, 2010

Anyone who knows me well knows how much of an animal lover and advocate I am. I tend to like and trust them more then people. I fall pretty hard. Which really sucks when there are days like today.

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