The Hubris of Youth

I remember when I was 18, self-righteous, full of hypocrisy and thought I had the full story and knew everything.
Yep, those were the days when you feel immortal and that nothing you say and do will ever come back to haunt you.
And then you grow up and get a little “life dirt” on you and realize that you really don’t know everything; that you didn’t have the full story; that life is full of lessons – really hard lessons that you will hopefully not have to keep learning.
You regret decisions you made and things you said.
You realize that throwing stones from a glass house is not the best approach.

And, if and when you have children, you realize that your parents are very fallible human beings, just like you; that having kids is the best and most difficult thing you will ever do; that you have to suddenly redefine who you are and sacrifice in ways that you truly have no perspective of until you have children. Not always easy, but certainly the point of why we are here.
We don’t always get it right, but we try. It’s personal evolution.
One may not agree with the choices ones parents make, but until you have your own, your perspective will always be narrow.
It’s a very hard thing to distill and work through. It’s a life-long effort.
Avoidance does nothing but prolong the inevitable. You don’t ever get off that easy.

Age and experience, if nothing else, provides perspective.
Let’s talk in 20 years…

The Pull

This is why I avoid it. The minor fall and the major lift….the goosebumps, the song, the music.

I hear my daughter laughing in the other room and my guitar calling out to me. Such a perfect metaphor of my life as I now know it.
I love my life. I do, but I do miss music. I miss that release.

Ya, this sounds like drama, but…. I twists me into a knot sometimes.
I miss it so much.
How can you have both? I have convinced myself you can’t. So I just bury it. I push it down. I avoid it. And then, in a moment of weakness, I seek it out and then I fight to put Pandora back in the box.

Time to put Liv down. Back to reality.


I am definitely getting further from personal goals. My health is taking a back seat. I am to tired and stressed out to work out but I need to work out to fight the stress.

I know one this is for sure, I can’t keep this up and I can’t keep getting fatter.
Something’s gotta give.